Question re; pre-marital sex...

[small town beck]

If you don't have sex at some point before marriage, how do you know that your compatible sexually for the rest of your life?Maybe she will hate something that you'll want or vice versa...Not that I believe in whoreing around by any means,but sexually compatibility is a HUGE part of marriage...there is no way I'd want to find all that out after you have comitted to a lifetime together..Just for reference I've been married 20 years

Meh, I somewhat disagree with that. People aren't automatically sexually compatible, you become compatible. If you think that you can't be in a relationship with someone because they won't do something sexually that you want or vice versa, there might be a bigger problem there. Being married for 20 years, you should know what compromise is all about...and congrats on 20 years. That's not heard of too often nowadays!

To add my two cents, I think if you find someone that you connect with on all levels, sex shouldn't play that big of a part. If this person is someone you can truly call a partner in every sense of the word, it would definitely be worth waiting for. It's not a question of "should I wait" with someone, it's more of a "is this person going to be the one I've waited for?" If that makes any kind of sense

Sex is one of the levels. You don't buy a car without driving it,or shoes without trying them on. You gotta see if you both can get the funk on, otherwise marriage wont work. I've been married 19 years myself and didn't save anything.

Agreed. I think if you can't get the funk on it will spread to other aspects of your marriage and you will end up resenting each other. Although just because you don't gel the first time you have sex with someone doesn't mean you can't end up rocking each other's worlds.

I mean sure sex it isn't the only part, but then you would just be friends.

Of course I am not married and sometimes I can't wait until the second date I kid. I kid.

[ofthegirl99]

I know a guy who doesn't believe in pre marital sex...........he's been married and divorced 3 times and he's only 34.......no shit.

[nothing_man_92]

Sex is completly different with each different partner you have. Only wanting to experience that connection with one person doesn't make any sense to me but hey each to there own!

[peacefrompaul]

I have to agree with Dave... It's really a personal choice. Some choose to stay away until marriage, if that doesn't work for you then you had best find another partner... For some, this can be a decision based on religious faith and I for one wouldn't interfere with that if that is how they choose to live. It probably just wouldn't work out

[LiLiNY81]

If you don't have sex at some point before marriage, how do you know that your compatible sexually for the rest of your life?Maybe she will hate something that you'll want or vice versa...Not that I believe in whoreing around by any means,but sexually compatibility is a HUGE part of marriage...there is no way I'd want to find all that out after you have comitted to a lifetime together..Just for reference I've been married 20 years

Meh, I somewhat disagree with that. People aren't automatically sexually compatible, you become compatible. If you think that you can't be in a relationship with someone because they won't do something sexually that you want or vice versa, there might be a bigger problem there. Being married for 20 years, you should know what compromise is all about...and congrats on 20 years. That's not heard of too often nowadays!

To add my two cents, I think if you find someone that you connect with on all levels, sex shouldn't play that big of a part. If this person is someone you can truly call a partner in every sense of the word, it would definitely be worth waiting for. It's not a question of "should I wait" with someone, it's more of a "is this person going to be the one I've waited for?" If that makes any kind of sense

Sex is one of the levels. You don't buy a car without driving it,or shoes without trying them on. You gotta see if you both can get the funk on, otherwise marriage wont work. I've been married 19 years myself and didn't save anything.

Well I can't argue with you there...I did buy a car once without test driving it. Hated it for the 5 years I had it. AND I purchased shoes online...haven't worn them for more than an hour. Sooooooo I guess you have a point there. I'm just saying that if you are with someone that you consider "the one" and they want to wait til you're married, it shouldn't be a big deal.

[small town beck]

I know a guy who doesn't believe in pre marital sex...........he's been married and divorced 3 times and he's only 34.......no shit.

Doesn't believe in premarital sex, but divorce is okay?! Let me guess he is "religious"?

[bindy123]

I have a sister-in-law that became a christian at the age of about 24...she dated a guy for about 2 years before getting marriage...and no sex was part of the deal.

I really respect the guy for doing that, I know it was really hard...pun intended...

There marriage is going well after about ten years...

I have a situation that relates to this discussion...my ex wife is the most beautiful lady, I would never say a bad word about her, we have a really healthy relationship...but...she is now a very strong christian...and wants us to give the message to our four kids that sex should be saved for after marriage...I dont hold these beliefs...I teach them about respect, honour and being faithful, but have to tell them their mum and I agree to disagree about no sex before marriage...

sorry for the confusion in relation to the next post, and thanks for responding cate, but it was really rude of me to change the subject...sorry pjfan31

[catefrances]

I have a sister-in-law that became a christian at the age of about 24...she dated a guy for about 2 years before getting marriage...and no sex was part of the deal.

I really respect the guy for doing that, I know it was really hard...pun intended...

There marriage is going well after about ten years...

I have a situation I would love to see some discussion on...my ex wife is the most beautiful lady, I would never say a bad word about her, we have a really healthy relationship...but...she is now a very strong christian...and wants to give the message to our four kids that sex should be saved for after marriage...I dont hold these beliefs...(this is NOT a hypothetical)

Give me your thoughts...

oh i can give you my thoughts.....


sex is a natural thing... for EVERY living being on earth. it is instinctual... religion should never come into it. but i believe that people as individuals should be respected.. and as far as im concerned thats all it comes down to.. respect. your boys should take into account what their mother has to say, but in the end it is their decision and respect comes from different angles.

[mca47]

Tiny penises and giant vaginas. Neither one is a good thing...don't want to spend an entire life with that! Need to know that shit beforehand!
That and who wants to be with someone who's miserable at sex?? No thanks!

[dimitrispearljam]

ok,i respect people wishes,they can do what they want,but sex is very important in relationship,and especially when u starting a family you suppose to stay for ever with another person.
,so need to feel eachother,how it goes in bed or whereever,and both enjoy it,and then you get married..
plus,i think this waiting can give an extra excuse to someone for cheating....

[Leezestarr313]

Hmyeah, everybody is free to decide what they want. A relationship shouldn't only be based on it, but for me, sex does play an important part. I want to know what I'm in for, especially if I get married to the guy.
I have waited a little with my very first boyfriend to do it for the first time, but other than that, if it clicked, it clicked and we did it, and I don't think there is anything wrong with that. There is contraception and protection available for everyone and sex can be one of the most enjoyable things in the world, especially when you are in love. It relieves you from stress, burns calories and in the best case, connects you even more to the person you love. If you feel like doing it before you get married, get it on. And if you want to wait, wait.

I would love to have some good pre-marital sex right now, but my fiancé is about 4000 miles away

[EmBleve]

It's a personal choice, and I respect that. However, I think that sex is pretty important in a relationship for many reasons and on many levels and personally I wouldn't marry someone without at least having a very good idea of the sexual aspect of the relationship. I think that 'sexual chemistry thang' is vital, and I wouldn't want to make a serious lifetime commitment without knowing if it's there or not. I don't personally believe that it can 'develop' over time. It's either there or it's not, and if it's not, better off lifelong friends.

[amethgr8]

I think the whole, take it one day at a time is good advise. don't have any predetermined expectations of what the relationship will be. IF YOU KNEW, 100% for sure! that this guy was "the one", would the no pre-marry sex be a deal breaker? I mean he IS THE ONE, now....

as far as finding out how two people relate to each other, and instinctively wanting to know about each others "stuff", there's ways to do that without having sex and I'm sure this guy is familar with it.

sex, anything really, can be mean alot to people in a marriage. I think all the elements add up to meaning alot, if one thing is out of balance, the rest of the elements eventually become unbalanced. I don't think people need "sexual chemistry" upfront. the sex me and me hubby share now is much better than within the 1st year we were dating. depends on how open people are in the beginning.

my brother uses that "sexual chemistry" to determine if he's attracted to women. he's divorced twice, currently single and when I try to get him to open his mind, he says he needs that. to each his own, as long as he's happy.

I say if he feels that strongly about sex based on religious views, he probably has some pretty strong views on other things.

amy

[ZiggyStar]

I'm still a virgin. I like to torture him.

[polaris_x]

i started dating a girl in mid december ... i learned she wanted to wait ... i was dating someone else beginning of january ... i think sex is part of a relationship ... i respect those who want to wait - that's their choice of course ... me - i don't think it's healthy ...